Secret to a Healthy Relationship

When it comes to relationships, we all want love, security and support—all can be fulfilled by a healthy relationship. Aside from wanting the security that comes with a healthy relationship, we also want to appear to the world that our relationship is in fact a healthy one.

It’s funny that to the outside world, we try to display an image of perfection… with roses, smiles and rainbows.

But in reality, no matter how hard we try to appear perfect and got-our-stuff-together, on some level, we are also flawed humans trying to cover up that we’re not perfect. I think part of the reality of being human is that we make mistakes, we lose our patience, and that we aren’t perfect. This is the basis for all relationships— healthy or otherwise. And we humans have a magical “gift” in creating conflicts with one another. The following is one such story from my life, which not only exposes our flaws but also shows us the secret to building a healthy relationship..

Creating a Healthy Relationship

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship off the bat. There are couples who seem very compatible, but every relationship (even non-romantic ones) requires a conscious effort of kindness, forgiveness and mutual support.

Every relationship requires some maintenance work—and conflicts do happen, it’s okay.

No matter who you spent time with—even best-friends and co-workers— there will come a time when a small disagreement will spark. It’s inevitable when humans are added to the equation.

Most fights and conflicts between people seem to start off small, usually over something stupid, and often over misunderstandings.

But in trying to justify that we are right, we hurt each other’s egos, and then the small seed of conflict snowballs into something bigger, resulting in resentment and separation.

It happens to us all. I am no different. You are no different.

The only real solution to resolving these conflicts and in creating a healthy relationship is to recognize your own mistakes and apologize, despite it being a really hard thing to do when your ego is hurt.

It makes sense, right? You can fight until you are both blue in the face, and nothing will get resolved except more hurt feelings.

It’s only when one person stops wanting to fight and starts admitting their own mistakes, will the situation starts to take a turn in the opposite direction.

The words “I’m sorry” or “You are right” plus a physical hug will perform miracles in clearing the clouds of anger between two people. But it is an important step in clearing out the resentment energy and to start building peace. You do want peace, right?

A word about saying “I’m sorry”: you have to first dig within, recognize what you are sorry for, and then saying it genuinely. If you don’t mean it, you might as well not say it.

The earlier you can confront the problem, apologize, and openly talk it over, the better. If you want a peaceful, healthy and lasting relationship, this is what you must do.

Holding on to grudges and spending all your energy looking for faults in the other person will lead to devastating breakups, not healthy relationships. The choice is up to you. Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be happy?

Catch the egos in action. Nip the misunderstanding while it’s early. Don’t wait for the resentment to turn into grievances.

So next time you’re faced with a conflict, a disagreement, a fight, or an uncomfortable silent treatment with a significant other or a friend, remember what I shared here––see what you did wrong and say sorry — no matter how justified you feel or how hurt you are from the other person’s self-defensive verbal attacks.

Parting Words: The Secret to a Healthy Relationship

In case you were still looking for the secret in building a healthy relationship, let me summarize it here:

• Say you’re sorry and mean it
• Hugs are magical when couples are fighting
• Deal with issues as early as possible
• Open communication – without trying to be right
• Stop wanting to be right
• Listen more, argue less
• Breath – helps you to think more clearly
• Seek to understand instead of listening for points to argue on
• Don’t go to bed angry
• Sense of humor makes uncomfortable moments more comfortable
• Look for things that make you happy instead of things that don’t
• It doesn’t matter if they can’t see your point of view. Do you rather be right or do you rather be happy? Focus your energy accordingly.
• Say you’re sorry and why, and mean what you say (second time listing this) – It’s important.

I wish you success in the creation of your own healthy relationship! Let us know how it goes in the comment section below. Or anything else you want to share.

Have a conscious day!