HI, TODAY I WOULD LIKE TO DISCUSS THE WORD, "SHYNESS"

Shyness means to feel a little scared when you're around other people. Just about everybody feels shy sometimes. If you're the new kid in class or your Aunt Betty wants to give you a big hug, it can make you feel shy.

Nobody sits around and says, "Well, I think I'll be shy today." It is just something that happens. It can just sneak up on you. You might feel fine practicing your soccer kicks, but then feel nervous when the coach comes over to give you a few pointers.

But being shy isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's OK if it takes you a while to feel comfortable with new people and new situations. In fact, it can even be helpful to be a little shy. When you're shy, you may spend a little extra time observing the scene before jumping right into it. And you're unlikely to talk to strangers, which you shouldn't do anyway!

What Causes Shyness?        

Some people are just born shy and more sensitive. Sometimes even babies act shy. Have you ever seen a baby hide his or her face from a stranger? On the other hand, another baby might kick, smile, and wave at everyone, even strangers.

Even if you weren't shy when you were a kid, it's still possible to be a shy person. You might have learned to be shy because of experiences you've had at somewhere or home. And sometimes you only feel shy for a short while, like the first time you get on a new environment and meet new people. This type of shyness often goes away after you get adjusted. For instance, after a few days, you'll probably have a seat you like to sit in and you'll get to know friends in your hood.

If your shyness is keeping you from doing stuff you want to do, talk to someone about it. Parents, friends, or someone you feel close to, these are all good people to turn to. Talking about your shyness might help you get over it. Or your friends or parents may tell you that they, too, have the same shy feelings and what they do to feel less shy.

How to Overcome Shyness

Do you want to overcome shyness?Many people before
you have used tips and good advice to overcome shyness
- so can you!

Many people want to overcome shyness and need a few
tips to get them started. Once you learn an approach that
works you will be ready to overcome shyness and enjoy
a fuller life.

Shyness is the term given to feelings of anxiety or
discomfort in social settings, and to the inability of a
person to engage or interact fully with others. Shyness
comes in various degrees and with different symptoms.
Still, with the right attitude and tools you can overcome
shyness.

If you have vowed to overcome shyness here are three
important tips to encourage your success! 

1. Be your own best friend.
Mental Health professionals tell us that any behavioral
change requires support. Because the nature of a shy person
is not to seek out or elicit attention from others, they
often feel they have to fight their battle alone. However this
is not the besy way to overcome shyness.

In the absence of a caring support group, you can nurture
yourself with positive affirmations repeated daily. Be
honest with yourself about all of the good qualities you
have. A familiar adage says "you cannot love another until
you love yourself". Even simple ideas like this can help you
to overcome shyness.

Positive interactions with others are more natural if you
know how to have a positive interaction with yourself first.

#2. Leave comparisons behind.

A shy person tends never to be very conceited. On the other
hand, a shy person also does not always have a firm grasp
on self-esteem. If you really want to overcome shyness you
need to build greater self-esteem

Excuses for not talking such as "I didn't have anything
important to say" or "Other people knew more than me and I
did not want to seem silly" are self-defeating.

When you look at other people, you see only the good side
they allow everyone to see. People do not tend to wear
their hurt or worry on their sleeves, but that does not
mean they do not exist. Even seeminglt confident people
have to overcome shyness to get ahead.

As you are working to overcome shyness, try to remember
that everyone is human. The life of the party is no more or
less a person than the quietest guest. This even playing
field affords respect for all comments and participants -
even your own.

#3. Practice makes better.
There is no cure for shyness. At one point in your life,
shyness may have benefited you because of circumstances you
were dealing with at the time.

However, as you have made the decision to break free and
overcome shyness, it is important to look for little ways to
practice being your more outgoing self. Talk with friends
about new topics.

Introduce your own topic. You can begin to test your
comfort zone with people you trust, talking to people you
are less acquainted with as your confidence grows. Little by
little you will overcome shyness in this way.

Sharing small bits of information about yourself at a time
allows others to learn more about you, and reinforces that
others can and will be interested in you.

As you talk with new people, you will learn new things
about yourself that can only make thinking of things to say
easier in the future.

As with any resolution, to overcome shyness will take a lot
of time and dedication. There may be times when you feel
more vulnerable than you would prefer, but these moments
might offer you a chance to bond with another facing a
similar challenge.

A positive attitude and patience with yourself will make
all the difference and help you to overcome shyness as you
emerge from your shell and into the company of people who
are excited to get to know you.

Tips to Overcoming Shyness and Making a Good Impression

Many of us wish we were one of those people who walked into a room and had friends-to-be flock to them. Anyone would agree that those of us who make friends easily and are innately likable will probably have an easier and more pleasant time of things than those who are incredibly shy or find it very hard to make friends.
Little do many of us know that making a positive impression is far easier than we might think. But before I get started with that, let me let you in on a little secret:
Everyone is just as shy as you are.
Everyone… in the whole world. Some have learnt to hide it a little bit better or simply ignore it, but every one of us has the same fears and self-doubts.
I’ll qualify this by saying that I am regularly told that I am good with people and that I appear very confident in social situations. I don’t say this to brag, but because if you asked me I would tell you that I am very shy and insecure and overcome it by pure force of will.
This insight led me to ask some of the people I consider to be confident and very socially skilled. The uniform answer: I’m shy but I work at it.
It is incredibly liberating to realize that no matter how you shy you might be, the person you’re nervous to introduce yourself to is just as shy as you are. In fact, they’d be relieved if you took the first step. With this in mind, here are eight essential tips to overcoming shyness and making a good impression:
1) Introduce Yourself. This sounds so basic, but many people seem afraid to do it! Say you’re standing next to someone at a party, or you’ve run into someone with a friend and they’ve forgotten to introduce you. Our little shy alter-ego tells us at this point that no one wants to know our name and we should just keep quiet. I can guarantee that a big smile and a simple “my name’s blank, what’s yours” will be all you’ll need to get the ball rolling. Do it straight away because the longer you wait the harder it will be.

2) Don’t Feel the Need to Qualify Yourself. We’ve all been in a situation where a new acquaintance has gone to great pains to express just how great they are. Whether it’s how fantastic their job is, how much money they have or how hot their girlfriend is, it never leaves a good impression. However, when we’re in a stressful social situation ourselves, suddenly the temptation to prove that we’re socially worthy rears it’s ugly head. A humble but accurate description when asked is all that is needed, and if you make people feel good about themselves that’s the best social qualifier of all.
3) Ask More, Talk Less. People love to talk about themselves. It is the most interesting topic in the world. You know the best way to get people to enjoy your company? Ask the questions that let them talk about their lives. And then listen with interest. Simple as that. And if you’re worrying that you won’t have anything to ask, I heard a very socially savvy friend ask an acquaintance what fillings he liked most in his sandwiches. He was enamored with her. Trust me, you’ll think of something!
4) Be Generous. I’m not talking about buying drinks or a meal, but rather being generous in your opinion. It is all too easy to judge someone who says the wrong thing or acts a little differently from what we expect. However we have all had days when we make a terrible first impression by making an off joke or just saying the wrong thing because of nerves or a simple slip of the tongue. If you reserve judgement and spend time making that person comfortable you will not only spread some good karma around but will earn their eternal gratitude.
5) Don’t Judge a Book By Its Cover. I know a model. She’s absolutely stunning, yet appallingly shy. If a less attractive woman were to act as she does, she would be sympathized with, understood and efforts would be made to put her at her ease. My model friend is labeled stuck up and rude. Do not assume that if someone is cold it is because they think they are better than you or don’t have time for you. That may happen in high school, but thankfully that type of behaviour is rare in the real world. If someone is cold it is most likely because they are very shy and insecure. Remember that and don’t be shaken if someone doesn’t respond as warmly as you would like.
6) Remember a Detail. Everyone wants to feel special, and we’re all looking for someone else to give us evidence that we are. If you’ve met someone before, remembering their name and a detail about them will be the greatest gift you can give them. This can be hard, but once you start getting control of social nerves it will become easier.
7) Compliment Others. I’m not suggesting you compliment someone for the sake of it, but if you genuinely like something then go ahead and tell them! Everyone loves a compliment, they start conversations and they give people confidence. I concede that women find it easier to compliment one another, but a genuine compliment from by either sex will never fail to create a generous atmosphere.
8) Think of Others. We hear this all the time, but it bears repeating. When in social situations stop thinking about yourself and think about the other people there. If someone wants to join your conversation then make it easy for them. Help the host with serving or clearing away. Introduce people to one another. In short, get out of your own head and make sure others are having a good time. They will be truly grateful and you’ll be distracted from your own nerves!

Life As a Loser

 LIFE IS FULL OF DIFFERENT TYPE OF PEOPLE, YOU MEET THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY. AND SOMETIMES WHAT YOU SEEM NOT TO NOTICE IS WHO YOU ARE, YOU ALWAYS LOOK AT OTHERS AND FEEL YOU ARE ONE PERFECT BEING TRYING TO JUDGE OTHERS BY WHAT THEY DO.  SOME PEOPLE YOU MEET ARE SUCCESSFUL WHILE OTHERS ARE TRYING BUT IT SEEMS NOT TO BE WORKING OUT FOR THEM. AND THESE KIND OF PEOPLE ARE THOSE THE SOCIETY REFEREES TO AS LOOSER.

 LET ME TELL YOU A STORY:

 

A Personal Tale About the Pitfalls of Popularity

"Loser," she yelled as she and her friends drove by in her boyfriend's red Jeep YJ. It was 1988 and they were the cool girls in school. I was not one of the cool guys. I mean, I had my own crew, but I was not part of the in crowd.

I was in grade 9 and at that point in time school was my world. I didn't have a job, I didn't have a steady girlfriend, and I didn't belong to an out of school club. School was all I had.

We Used to Be Friends

The story of me and the girl who called me a loser is long and tangled. I'll call her Kelly, but that isn't her real name. We grew up four doors down from one another and played together all the time until grade 6 when we went to middle school. Middle school is when everything changed.

Kelly grew very pretty while I stayed clumsy and awkward looking. We did not hang out with the same crowds at school. Yet everyday after school she would show up at my house as if school didn't exist. She always acted as if nothing had changed. She told me we were still friends and that nothing that happened at school could ever change our friendship. Stupid me, I believed her!

Then Everything Changed

About three months in to grade 7 everything did change. Kelly came over to my house with a sad look on her face. She didn't talk much, which was weird because Kelly was a talker. When my Mom asked her if she wanted to stay for dinner Kelly burst in to tears. Kelly's parents were getting a divorce and she was devastated. They were arguing and she just didn't want to go home.

My Mom called Kelly's house and arranged for her to stay the night in my sister’s room. Since my parents and Kelly's parents were close my Mom offered to let Kelly stay as a gesture of family friendship. Given the stress in the family Kelly's Mom was grateful for the offer.
That night Kelly snuck in to my room. She cried on my shoulder and told me her world was falling apart. She told me all sorts of things about the kids she was friends with and the stuff they were in to and said that they would never understand why her family was splitting up. She was afraid her friends would turn on her.
She said that she was afraid the divorce would tarnish her image and that she wouldn't ever be able to recover. She told me that I was the only person she could trust at school, the only one she could turn to. She basically spilled her guts. Then Kelly kissed me.

Rumors Killed Our Friendship

The rumors started flying the next day when Kelly and I walked in to the school together. Our out of school friendship was not common knowledge and people were surprised to see us together. Her friends started to bug her about being seen with me. That is when everything between us changed.

At lunch somebody passed me a note. "Don't tell anyone we kissed," it warned. It was typed and unsigned so there was no way to be sure it came from Kelly. I thought it might be a joke so I threw it away. But somebody saw me toss it in the trash can and picked it up. The secret was out and by the end of the day everyone knew about our kiss.
Kelly was livid. In her mind she had a dubious choice to make. She could tell people about the divorce or let everyone think that she secretly liked me. Kelly was popular and I was not. She had a difficult decision to make but I had faith in our friendship. I was wrong.
Kelly decided to tell her friends all about her parents divorce. She said that I knew because our parents were friends and that I had taken advantage of her when she was vulnerable. I looked like a jerk and our friendship was officially over.

Life After the Rumors

Almost two years went by and Kelly and her followers treated me like dirt. Don't feel bad for me. I had friends, even girlfriends and I was happy with my life. When Kelly and her friends taunted me I just ignored them.

To the outside world it seemed that I didn’t care how they treated me. I didn't really care that they taunted me but I hated it that a friend had turned on me for the sake of her reputation. Secretly, I vowed to make her sorry that she had turned on me. I was a man on a mission. How could I make Kelly see how wrong she had been to turn on a real friend?
The day she drove by in the red YJ was the last day that Kelly ever taunted me. Two weeks later, school shut down for summer and I started to put my plan in to motion. I was determined to return to grade 10 a changed man. It was a little bit of nature, a little bit of effort, and a lot of luck that during that summer I changed a lot.

How I Turned the Tables

Over the summer I lost the scrawny awkwardness that had plagued me since 7th grade and I actually looked pretty good. I met a really cool girl who became my girlfriend, had some fun, made new friends and went back to school with a confidence that I lacked before. I became one of those kids who could hang out with almost any crowd. I was everybody's friend. That was my new reputation and I liked it.
I refused to do what Kelly had done to me and turn on my old friends. I was popular now but I was still me. People respected me for this. At the same time I fit in pretty much everywhere. Kelly definitely noticed and tried to rekindle our friendship a few times but I wasn’t interested.
Kelly eventually apologized but I never wanted her friendship back. I told her that she should not try to make herself feel better by putting others down. Nothing else really needed to be said. Living well was the best revenge.
I'm glad that I changed my image. I'm glad that I went to the trouble to shake a bad reputation. I enjoyed grade 10 more then any other school year and I learned that no reputation is written in stone. I changed my loser image without changing who I was inside. If you want to you can do it too!

Dating Rules on How to Meet Someone

Struggling to meet someone new? Following these simple yet insightful dating rules might be just be exactly what you need.

Love Yourself First

Have you ever noticed that happy people get more attention? And if you are happy with yourself, it shows. So in order to attract more people into your life for dating purposes, focus on the things that make you happy. Try writing a large piece of paper full of ideas that you can use in a pinch, such as taking a hot bath, going for a bike ride or filling your home with plants. Then, pick three items from this list every day with conscious effort, knowing that the time you take tending to increasing your own personal joy will increase the pull others feel to learn more about who you are.

Review Your Relationship Expectations

If you shake your head within seconds of meeting someone, rank them against a checklist in your head, or have stringent guidelines about who you will and won't meet, it is time to revamp your relationship expectations. When trying to meet someone new, it is imperative that you let go of your preconceived notions about who the perfect partner is.

Cut Ties To Your Ex

Although this dating rule may be contentious for some readers, it is still an important step in the dating process. Just like a spring cleaning clears your space of clutter and cobwebs, removing an ex still present in your life after a breakup can free you to meet someone new. Of course there are circumstances where this may not be possible - such as if you have children together or work in the same office. But whenever possible, you need to remove your ex from your personal life, even if it is only temporary.

Let Go of Dating Myths

Dating is exhausting and not worth my time. I'll never meet The One. All the good ones are taken.
These three statements are myths about dating that seriously require thought if they are going through your head. Dating isn't about negative thoughts; its about meeting as many interesting people as you can while having faith that you'll meet someone special.
Following this dating rule means you need to stop focusing on the person you are trying to meet, and focus on the spotlight instead on yourself.

Face Your Dating Fears

Feeling anxious or upset about the prospects of meeting someone new usually translates into fear. If the thoughts of never meeting someone special, being upset that your last partner refused to commit, or convincing yourself you aren't worth dating are taking over your thought processes, it is time to face your dating fears. By not following this dating rule and ignoring the issues, your inability to risk losing your heart will stop you from meeting someone special.

Learn How To Flirt

Too attract new people; you'll need to show them you are interested - which means learning how to flirt. Virtually every single first encounter that leads to more starts with a smile, so this dating rule suggests smiling at everyone you encounter, without qualification. As well, understanding body language is a crucial part of meeting someone new and cannot be overlooked.

Accept All Dates

If you want to follow the rules of dating to meet someone new, its time to stop making snap decisions about the people who ask you out for a date. If someone asks you for coffee, it is your responsibility to accept it, barring any issues with safety of course. A date is just a date - not a marriage proposal. It'll only take an hour or two, and by accepting all dates you'll move closer to meeting someone special while perfecting your notions of what kind of person you'd like to have in your life. Felicia Lagok

HOW TO REJECT SOMEONE NICELY

Unrequited love can be just as bad for the person doing the rejecting. Here is how to say 'no thanks' and still feel good about yourself and how you did it.

1. Don't lead the person to believe you may be interested.
2. Be polite and smile.
3. Get to the point quickly.
4. Tell them you appreciate their interest in you but your feelings toward them aren't the same.
5. Be nice; don't say you'd rather be friends if you have no intention of staying friendly.
6. Make it as painless as possible by being direct and NOT saying something like, 'if things were different.'
7. Don't over explain or make excuses -- you are not interested, plain and simple.

You may think that being blunt seems mean but, in fact, it is much more mean to let somebody who doesn't have a chance with you think that they might. Maintain eye contact, keep a calm and steady tone, smile and be polite. Remember that the person being rejected may get angry and call you names -- don't take it personally, it is anger talking. Remember that the person being rejected may act desperate to get you to change your mind -- don't give in to the antics.

How To Know If You Have a Crush on Someone

Everybody talks about having teen crushes, but have you had one? More importantly, how do you know when you have a crush on someone? Here are some tips on how to figure it out. Time Required: 10 minutes, maybe more. You think about one person in particular: You wonder what you'll say to them next and scrutinize your every move. You constantly think about their smile, their laugh, their face, and the things they say. They're almost always on your mind. You feel excited and anxious: When you think about someone you know, you suddenly feel hyper. You might even lose your appetite or have trouble sleeping after you think about them. You might have trouble concentrating: You may find yourself daydreaming or imagining a conversation -- or a make out session -- with the person you like. It might be hard to pay attention in class or get your homework done. You might become forgetful and misplace your books or your keys because you're so focused on this person. You could feel embarrassed or nervous: You might find yourself blushing when you talk to the person you've been thinking about or giggling when other people mention their name. The very thought of talking to them might make you extremely nervous, and you probably feel a bit more self-conscious than usual around them because you want to make a great impression. You'll go out of your way to be near them: You will make excuses to walk by their locker, talk to them after class, or be close to the places you know they hang out. You care more about how you look, sound, and act: Again, making a great impression is on your mind and you want the person you like to think you're cute, wonderful, and hilarious. You want to touch them: Even if you're not a very touchy-feely person, you may feel a strong craving to touch the person you like or be touched by them. This is likely because you're physically attracted to them. You talk about them a lot: You might not mention them by name, but you might talk about something they're interested in with your friends or write about them in your journal. You want to know what it feels like to be a couple with this person. You take tons of love quizzes online: You're curious about your feelings for this person because they're strong emotions. The way you feel about the person you like -- your crush -- is different from how you feel about other people.